Planter’s Punch: The Kraken Rum Remix

I said I was gonna try it again, didn’t I.  Fuck yes I did.  So I grabbed on some Kraken, which is a pretty dang sweet-assed dark rum, and only about $20 here in MI, and I was like, “jeez, what in the dick should I make?”  And then, I remembered a promise I made to you, loyal reader, and was like, heck yes it’s time!  Sweet bastard.  Sweet f-ing bastard.  Sweet, sweet, fucking sally boy.

Planter’s Punch (Trader Vic’s recipe, as published in his 1947 book, The Bartender’s Guide)
* 3 ounces dark rum
* 1 ounce lime juice
* 1/2 ounce lemon juice
* 1/2 ounce grenadine
* 1/4 teaspoon superfine sugar

Combine all ingridients in a shaker, give a good dry shake, serve over ice.  Garnish, if you’re “like that.”

Umm, it’s strong.  So that’s pretty cool.  I used home made grenadine, but you can fend for yourself on that one.  It’s along the lines of a Ramos Gin Fizz, in terms of drinkability, meaning it goes down quick but has some balls.  Anyhoo.  Apre moi, deluge.

Also, I was going to call this post the Kraken Myass, but decided to be more classier.

Campari, Carpano and Bourbon

What’s that ole saying… “Strange bedfellows make great neighbors?” Well, in this case, it was never more truer… As many of you know, I’ve been smashing the heck out of Negroni’s lately, because I just recently found out I can get Carpano Antica in MI (rejoice). But, I ran out of gin the other morning, and was like, FMA, let’s go for it dude, let’s just P the fucking T. And so I did. And so it went. And jebus said to the angels, “let’s get crunk, my freaks.” And they did.  And it was good.  Friggin’ real good.

FMA Cocktail (tentative title)
2 oz. Bourbon
1 oz. Campari
1 oz. Carpano Antica

Build over a large chunk of ice, garnish with a large peel of lemon and orange.

Okay, let’s talk bourbon for a minute. Since there’s only 2 oz. in there, I like it strong. I was rocking the 107 Old Weller, but a 101 Wild Turkey or even a 101 Grandad would be suitable. Campari, duh. But Carpano – and don’t fuck me on this one – is important. If you wanted to use Punt E Mes, that would be okay, and if you had to use Vya, I could live with it… I mean, I wouldn’t be stoked about it, but I’d forgive and forget. Just don’t use Cinzano, or any crappy vermouth in this. Or in general. As a matter of fact, I forbid you from drinking cheap vermouth. Deal with that – it just happened. No go forth, and crunkify.

Southside Cocktail

Oh brojangles, you’re gonna like this one. For one, it’s called a Southside, because it originated on the south side of Chicago, so that’s pretty cool. For second, it’s all about the gin. And for three, it’s easy as heck to make. And we all know, 1 + 2 + 3 = FUCK YES!

The Southside
3 oz. Gin (Beefeater, Tanqueray, you know, something respectable)
1 oz. Simple Syrup
.75 oz. Lime Juice
2 Sprigs mint

Okay, throw the mint in the bottom of a shaker, and just give it a light bruising with a muddler. Add the other ingredients, a few large cubes, and shake with the strength of ten men. Strain, serve down, or in a chilled coupe if you’re bad like that. I am not, as it turns out.

The gift of Gin

I’ve got one rule… when in doubt, give Gin. After all, one size fits all, and it’s perfect for both funerals and Bar Mitzvahs. Fortunately, my good buddy Snack Attack lives by the same rule, and gave me a bottle of Cascade Gin, made by the Bendistellery, in Bend, Oregon.

If you’ve got the means, I suggest you smash the heck out of a bottle of this… by which I mean drink. It’s a classic gin, no fucking cucumbers or kielbasa flavorings… just “hand picked wild juniper berries,” which means it’s got a strong juniper flavor – something I really enjoy in my gin – go figure. It’s also 95 proof, which means it’s great for mixing. Mmmm, gin.

The Classics: Brooklyn Cocktail

So, you’ll notice that I’ve added a new category, over there, on the right. The one called “The Classics.” I’ll be marking posts with this category when it’s a real-deal, old school recipe. I’ll also go back and tag posts that adhere to this criteria (Daquiri, Margarita, Sidecar, etc.). So, having said that, here’s the recipe for a Brooklyn, my absolute favoritest cocktail ever.

The Brooklyn
3 oz. Rye
.75 oz. Dry Vermouth
.5 oz. Averna Amaro
.25 oz. Luxardo Maraschino
Ango Bitters

Stir over ice, strain, serve down, mist and garnish with orange peel (or lemon peel if you’re a coward like me).

Okay, so, after I said all that crap at the start of this post about “real deal” recipes, I’ve already waffled. You see, the traditional Brooklyn calls for Amer Picon. Amer Picon is basically an orange flavored French amaro that is no longer available in the states. However, I’m using Averna – a lovely Italian amaro that’s got a great orange flavor – which is IMEFO the closest commercially available substitute to the real dangle.

Also, I am going to take a moment to endorse Wild Turkey 101 rye. I’ve mentioned it a few times in this blog, but I want to point out that it is both a fantastic tasting overproof rye, and is extremely reasonably priced. It’s under $20 in Michigan, and is pretty much the best bet if you’re in the rye market. Which I am, frequently.

Pure Fuck Yes It Is

The Duke went to Iceland for new year’s… and he brought me back a bottle of French / Japanese single malt scotch. And I’m not even making that up to sound cool. It’s called “Nikka Malt Whisky Black ‘Smoky & Mellow’ fabrique au Japon par La Maison du Whisky.” Which – and I could be wrong here – pretty much means it’s party time. Party the fucking Time.

Rum the fuck up.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s been snowing, or that I’m a total drunk, but all day I’ve been thinking about a really, really nice Daiquiri. You know, a nice dark rum, a fresh lime and some sugar. Simple and groin-grabbingly delicious. I grabbed a bottle of Metusalem, which calls itself a “Cuban Rum.” While it’s actually made in the Dominican, it used to be made in Cuba (incidentally, the same can be said for Bacardi). Anzyways, this shit is delish. Dark, caramelly, a little hot, a little sweet. Yeah dude, yeah. And this cocktail right here – it’s as easy as it gets brohammer – and just about as good too.

Daquiri
3 oz. Boss-assed rum
Juice of half a lime
1 tbsp. agave nectar

Shake, serve up. Try not to shed tears of happiness.

So, it’s said that the Cubans invented the Daquiri (and the Mojito, fwiw). After tasting this Metusalem Rum, I believe it.

Rob Roy

Bro dogs, have you tried this one? You have!?! Well, then where in the fuck have I been? All this time, I’ve been drinking my blended scotch out of the bottle, with a straw, like a damned hick. Whereas, with a bit of vermouth, a dash of bitters and a touch of maraschino, I could have been living it up. Living it the fuck up! Damn, dude.

Rob Rob Cocktail
3 oz. Blended Scotch Whiskey
1 oz. Sweet Vermouth
.25 oz. Maraschino
Dash Ango bitters

You’ll notice I went 3:1 whiskey to vermouth on this one. Since the scotch is so smokey, the increased amount of sweet vermouth helps balance this out. It’s a kick ass drink, but I can’t decide if maybe I like it on the rocks better? I don’t have any big-assed ice cubes at the moment, but I’m going to give that a run and get back to you. But I implore you to grow a pair and try it for yourself.

The Hardest Working Man in Showbiz

Yes, it’s a great name for a drink. And yes, it’s a great drink. And yes, you wish you thought of it. But you didn’t. So suck it. Sorry, I get aggressive sometimes, especially when I’ma drinkin’. Me likely the sauce, as the kids say.

This little bastard is all about the root beer bitters I just finished. They don’t stand up to Michael’s at TVH, but they’re dang, dang close.

THWMIS
3 oz. Rye
.5 oz. Benedictine
A few dash Root Beer Bitters

Stir, serve up. Be a better man because of it. Even if you’re not.

The Amaro Post

I’ve been buying all these Amari lately… pretty much anything I can get my hands on. Some stores have old shit on the shelves that you’re not likely to come by anymore. When in doubt, I buy. And whilst I do like some better than others, all in all they’re a pretty wild bunch.

Fernet-Branca (Milan)
Medium caramel color. Smells strongly of mint, botanicals, anger. Immediately bitter, medicinal taste. Aftertaste is minty, bitter, hatey.

Del Capo (Calabria)
Light caramel color. Smells like baby aspirin. Sweet, citrusy, minty. Slightly bitter. Really nice, actually.

Punch Abruzzo (Sambuceto)
Dark caramel color. Smells like store bought egg nog. Tastes like circus peanuts, baby asprin, egg nog, citrus and mint. In that order. Not bad. This one also says it’s a cane neutral spirit and has caffeine. A little weird, yes. I suspect it’s no longer imported to the US. It was also about $50 (!)

Averna (Venice)
Dark caramel color. Subtle nose. Sweet, earthy, hints of citrus and mint – and maybe mushrooms? – or not. Delicious.

Cynar (Milan)
Medium caramel color. Heavy botanical nose. Sweet, coffee, earth. Shit’s delish, bro. D-fucking-lish.

It’s a safe bet that one could add 1/2 oz. to either a Manhattan or Negroni, and not ruffle too many feathers, with the exception of the Fernet, which will pretty much shit on the cake and piss in the punch, as they say. Use sparingly, unless you’ve got really big ones.